I am not afraid of my truth anymore and I will not omit pieces of me to make you comfortable.

I love that quote. I think that I'm slowly accepting myself for everything I am and everything that I'm not. I don't want to hide pieces of me just to keep certain other people happy, or like the quote says, "comfortable". If someone is going to be in my life then they'll just have to accept me as I am. For all the things I do... and don't do. I'm just me and there's really not much else I can say about that. I'm not going to change for anyone, so if you're looking to be apart of my life, please don't try and change me cause you're the only one who's going to get disappointed. In the past I've allowed myself to be in some unhealthy friendships and relationships. I was young and naive; I put up with too much, and looking back, I realized that I wasted a lot of time with the wrong person when I could have been focusing on growing and bettering myself as a single individual. I just let things go on way longer than I should have and now that's just time that I won't be getting back. I wish I could go back sometimes and make wiser relationship choices, but hey, that's just a part of growing up. At least we're able to look back as we get older to learn and grow.

“Mindfulness helps you go home to the present. And every time you go there and recognize a condition of happiness that you have, happiness comes.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

Lately I've been wishing that I was more content with my life right now. Content with current relationships and the way that things are going and progressing, but I'm not. I have an inner battle where I go back and forth wondering if I want to be content with things just because I know I'm not content for a reason; i.e., I think I'm settling and compromising, or if I want to be content just because I'm being picky and things aren't perfect. It's honestly probably a little of both.

"Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker"

I've been so frustrated lately with how some things are going and I've been finding myself back on the kick of sometimes wanting to be in a relationship, but then soon after I talk myself out of it, coaching myself that I'm not ready. Now, to get in a little discussion: I was recently told that one cannot "like more than one person at the same time." Well, that's all good and fine if that's what you want to think. More power to you for sure, I just so happen to have a different opinion. If I was in a relationship, however, I feel differently. If I was in a relationship and felt attracted to someone else, I would probably think about breaking up with whoever I was with and decide that it wasn't the right thing to be together. But me, being a single adult, I personally believe that it's perfectly acceptable to like more that one person. My soul and spirit cannot be constrained and are free to like who I please. It's not something I can really control. I believe that human beings are not monogamous by nature. It's in our human nature to be sexually attracted to each other and sometimes act on it. Remember, this is all just by personal opinion and I'm writing from my forever alone perspective. (Ha.) I'm aware that people are going to disagree with me and have different opinions. Every so often certain people come around and an instant connection is felt with them; a coming together of two souls, and we naturally become infatuated. Just because I say that I "like" or "love" someone doesn't mean I want to marry them all. There are differences with each person and feeling. Here are some Greek words for love and their meanings:

Eros. From the Greek word for "erotic or passionate"; a passionate, physical, sexual, and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment, sensual desire, and longing; stereotype of romantic love. 

Ludus. From the Latin word meaning "sport or play, a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest. May have multiple partners at once. This love is playful, flirtatious and carefree. Ludus lovers do not care much about commitment as having fun and being spontaneous. 

Storge. means "affection" in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. An affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity. Familiar (family) love. 

Pragma. From the Greek word meaning "practical"; love that is driven by the head, not the heart; practical and non-emotional. Undemonstrative. With pragma love, the costs and benefits are carefully weighed before entering into a relationship. 

Mania. From the Greek word meaning "frenzy"; highly volatile. Obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows; very possessive and often jealous lovers. 

Agape. From the Greek word meaning "divine or spiritual”; selfless, enduring, unconditional, and altruistic love; spiritual; true love. Agape is considered the purest and truest form of love.

I've been on a journey lately to better myself. I've been slowly letting go of everything that I've been trained to believe and I'm starting to finally realize things for myself. I'm starting fresh and it's a beautiful thing. I'm making a change in the way I view myself and others, as well as how I view things. I'm learning to forgive things in my past and situations that have happened that I think have had a negative effect in how I view relationships at times. I'm trying so hard to move on and not think about certain things and it's getting better. I need more patience because I know that it's a slow process. I'm forgiving people so I can move on. I am not my past and you are not your past; there are brighter days ahead. Release everything you're holding inside and open up your mind, allow your mind to become clear. Life is so much better when you allow yourself to get into that place.

May all beings be well and free of suffering. Namaste.