As I sit in the silence at almost one in the morning, my mind can't help but to wander. There are so many things that I want to write about, but don't. I hold myself back for fear of being too open and vulnerable with the world of internet blogs. I feel as though in some of my previous postings that I have been too candid with some things that go on in my personal life. At the same time, I don't want to be too passive or closed off, either. Sometimes, I'll go through and re-read past posts and I'll just be so tempted to delete them and start over. I feel so exposed. I'm not sure what changed with me as to why I want to, if you will, "hide" lately, it just happened.
These past couple weeks have been somewhat hard for me health wise. I know that I just recently posted about when I got sick back in 2009, and recently I've been starting to get similar episodes. Not full on paralysis, but dizziness and blacking out episodes. It's not as much scary as it is frustrating. Why can't I just feel well? I feel as though I already went through a little bit of hell 5 years ago, so why is it coming back? I figure that I'll just make the most of it... there's not much one can do with something that is out of their control. I'm really looking into going to a holistic doctor lately, because the health care system just really frustrates me. I have the utmost respect for doctors, but too often than not, it just seems like they have a general list of maybe 3 things that they look for and if you don't fall under one of those then you are pronounced "fine", when a lot of times its something different and they just don't do the research needed to figure it out.
Thinking positive thoughts over tomorrow! Love & Light.
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